The Black Widow

My mother told me to wash and brush my hair every day or spiders would grow it. She said that when they were about to have their babies, they would come and build a web nest in my hair and all the spider babies would be born on my head. I never questioned anything my mother said. She was a lot bigger than me and had very long fingernails she painted with “Hard as Nails” nail polish and she’d use them to peck at my head when I wouldn’t listen.  Just the idea of one spider in my hair was traumatizing, let alone the spider babies.  I thought about it every day.

My Grandmother got bit in the nose by a spider while gardening. Her nose looked terrible for a long time. My mom told me it was a poisonous one but she didn’t know what kind. I figured it was the “Black Widow”. We learned all about the “Black Widow” in school. I’m not sure if they should teach this stuff in school. I didn't want one of those in my hair so I listened to my mother.

I washed and brushed my hair like crazy

and then dried it with a scalding hot hair dryer

When we visited my grandparents that summer, I was sure I was gonna be bitten by a Black Widow spider and die in Arizona. I thought about this non-stop as soon as I found out we were going there. Every summer we would all pile in the wagon and drive out to visit my grandparents. But this time we were flying. It would be the first time any of us flew on an airplane. My Dad was the only one who had flown before. He was a traveling salesman. I didn’t know exactly what that was, but it meant he was gone all the time. According to him, he’d even flown a plane himself. But then little white lies were ok in my family.  I thought for sure if I didn’t die of a spider bite, I’d die in a plane crash. I did not want to go. Everything that was said, that I saw, that I did pointed in the direction of a plane crash or a spider bite on my nose that would kill me. I started seeing omens in the soup, in the sky, on TV, plastered on signs and buses, in conversations and my dreams. I was sure our plane was waiting on the tarmac specifically for us, the Hadrabas, to get out of our wagon and into our seats so it could explode on take-off like it was written in the stars.

Despite my protests, we headed to the airport. I was wearing a jean zip up jumper and boots. I listened to my mother. It's advised to wear closed shoes without laces and comfortable clothing just in case you’re in a plane crash. My dad and I were at the end of the line, single file ducking deep into the hull. By the time we boarded, I was a pale grayish green, sweating and nauseous. I felt my heart beating so hard it was about to pump itself right out of my mouth and plop down in the aisle. The rest of the family was starting to get worked up right along with me. I turned hysterical and my dad and I got off the plane alone.

I was relieved

It never occurred to me that if I was right, my whole family was about to die in a plane crash. We drove home and my dad went to work. He said we’d fly out the next day. When he came home that night, we had a pot pie and went to bed. In the morning, he made me have a bowl of cereal. He said I should “always eat a good breakfast”. If I’d eaten breakfast the day before, this would not have happened. He drinks the milk that's left in the bowl after the cereal is gone. That always gnarls me out. He’d bring the bowl up to his mouth and gulp it down, soggy cereal and all. He made me drink it once before and I thought I would barf.  My dad ate cheerios so he didn’t know what it was like. We ate Froot Loops and Lucky Charms. The milk was slightly pinkish blue and green. It looked like colored chalk. Nothing you’d ever want to drink. Luckily when my dad poured me a bowl of Lucky Charms, there were no marshmallows left in the box. Everyone would pick out extra marshmallows and add them to their bowl. Half way through the box, there wouldn't be any marshmallows left. This time it worked in my favor. I ate my cereal as fast as I could so it wouldn’t get soggy.

I drank the milk to make him proud.

I felt I owed him that since I threw a fit and made him get off the plane the day before.

We went back to the airport and I got on the plane without a problem. My brain had switched to being preoccupied with the “Black Widow” spider again.  When we got to my grandparents and I saw sleeping bags on the floor, I was utterly terrified. The thought of spiders crawling around in my sleeping bag making web nests in my hair as I slept horrified me. But I knew not tell anybody. I was already in enough trouble. My mom would say I was a worry wart even though she started the whole spider thing. She’d laugh and tell me not to worry that “Only the good die young.”  My mom is big on quotes. I don’t think she ever thought things through like I did. If I’m good, I’m gonna die young. If I’m bad, I’m gonna live a long time only to wind up in hell for eternity.  I was certain I was going to be bitten by a “Black Widow” spider. I even deserved it. I knew that spider was somewhere in Arizona waiting for me.

It ruined my whole vacation.

When we got home alive, I was kinda shocked. Maybe Gods plan was that I would visit my grandparents one last time and then come home to die. As a preventative measure, I continued washing and brushing my hair a lot.

I still have a slight concern that I will find a spider in my hair but I know it’s not good to wash your hair 3 times a day. If I asked my mother about her warning that spiders will make a web nest in your hair, she’d say I made this all up. She’d say she never said that.  

My mom also said you will get pneumonia from eating the ice that builds up in the freezer. My sister ate ice from the walls of the freezer with a spoon. She didn't die like my Mom said she would, so I don't know why I listen. What she said was hardly ever true. But I always believed her.  We had to “eat our fruits and vegetables so we wouldn't get scurvy”. She said our gums would swell, and bleed and we’d have open sores all over our face. I didn’t want to get scurvy. We never sat on the floor in front of the TV because “sitting too close to the TV would make us blind.” Mr. Wilson, a man from our church, was blind. I thought to tell him he was sitting too close to the TV, but I was afraid of him, like being blind was something you could catch. 

I couldn’t tell a legitimate fear from what was irrational. So, I was proactive and feared everything.

Freezer ice was never really my thing

Thank God

I had enough to worry about